Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Honestly, How Honest Are You?

I have a friend who’s brutally honest.  It’s almost like a tick she can’t control.  (i.e.: do you think I look good in this dress? Answer: absolutely NOT!) One time, years ago, she met my boyfriend.  It was a brief encounter, but as he walked away, she yanked my elbow, tilted her head, and said Dude. Break. Up. With. HimIt caught me completely off guard, and it's made me realize how rare honesty actually is.  I mean real, brutal honesty.  Regardless of whether or not she was right, I have to hand it to her, I never wonder if she's feeding me a lie.

I’ve found that with my friends, even my closest ones, we are not always 100% honest with each other.  Let me explain. That boyfriend she’s with that’s a little too clingy and has bad breath? No, I’m not going to say anything.  Would you? I mean, when was the last time a friend told you honestly how they felt about your boyfriend or girlfriend? Everyone is generally too nice and polite to say anything.  It’s like some secret girlfriend code, and I guess it makes sense.  We dance around the truth, our real opinions, because falling in love is so magnificent and treasured, who wants a friend saying, "umm, your boyfriend sucks..."?

I myself bounce back and forth.  Sometimes I feel the urge to be unapologetically honest, and sometimes I just can’t find the guts to do it.  (i.e.; yeah, that dress looks nice!) At the end of the day, I think it boils down to one thing; being brutally honest goes against the grain of society. We’ve made so much room in our social lives for little white lies. It keeps the engine running smooth.  You know when a waiter swings by your table mid-meal and asks how the food is?  And is already walking away as you begin to respond? It's easiest to just say, "good, thanks," even if it's completely untrue.   

When I spend a lot of time with that especially honest friend, I find that my shoulders are constantly clenched.  It’s exhausting, and after awhile, I kind of wish she had the capability to lie just a little. But then I remember that she’s such a rare breed, and I might as well appreciate her gift. 


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